Color

Tea Stained
Beautiful smile
Red lips and tea stained teeth
Bright eyes, little laughs


The Purple Door
                 I limped up the hard concrete steps towards the bright purple front door that I had painted with my best friend James. I fumbled with my keys- even the smallest of reminders makes me freak- they dropped onto the porch. I carefully bent down to grab them while tears welled up in my eyes. I was still in pain, but the physical pain I could bear. It was the rollercaoster of emotion and the constant feeling of my heart and lungs being squeezed, a tightness in my chest that I had been facing non stop for two weeks now that really had me shaken up. I couldnt shake the thought that it was my fault James had died, I was the one driving afterall. And why in the world would I, out of the two of us, be the one to survive. James deserved this way more than I did. He had a family, a small daughter and beautiful wife he needed to be there for. Without him, I have no one. I was clearly the better option. It just sucks.
                 I finally open the door after fiddling with the keys in my shaky hands for a couple of minutes. I headed straight towards the end table where the bottle of pain medication sat. I doubled up on the dosage that was prescribed becuase I was feeling extra crappy today. The only thing keeping me going at this point is the knowledge that James would want me to be there for his family- help them through this-but right know I think I'm in need of my own savior. I let the medication take me and my saddening thoughts into a deep sleep.